Joke Time

It’s Saturday, it’s Joke Time!

This is post 25 in Connie Ragens 30 Days Challenge.

First an inspirational quote about laughter:
“Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

And now time to smile and laugh! Today I have chosen 5 kids jokes:

1. Longest word:
TEACHER: What’s the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil: Smiles – because there is a mile between the first and last letters !

2. Plural of Baby:
TEACHER: What is the plural of mouse ?
Pupil: Mice
TEACHER: Good, now what’s the plural of baby ?
Pupil: Twins!

3. At once!
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!

4. The Frog at McDonald’s:
Teacher: What did the frog order at McDonald’s?
Pupil: French flies and a diet Croak

5. Cat Family:
TEACHER: Name four members of the cat family.
Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !

Have a Joke and a Smile!

It’s Saturday, and Saturday is Joke Day! Have a Joke and a Smile!

As said by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:  “Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at.”

1. The Secret of Women
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

2. Who’s the Boss?
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband — who was a big burly man — tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.” She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I can’t wear your trousers,” she said.
“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”
With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. “Hell,” he said. ”I can’t get into your panties!”
She replied, “That’s right, and that’s the way its going to stay until your attitude changes.”

3. The FBI Interviews
Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun and says, “Go into that room and kill your wife.” The guy says, “No way,” and leaves FBI headquarters.

The second guy goes through the same proceedings. He walks into the second room, but on seeing his wife decides that she is worth more than a good job, and he, too, refuses.

Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his wife. He walks into the second room and six shots are heard. A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and banging from the room. After a few minutes, the guy comes out of the room. “What happened?” asks the FBI agent.

“Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks… I had to kill her with the chair.”

4. Hairy Problem
A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.
She yells, “Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?”

The doctor asks, “Well, how long does the hair grow?”

The lady replies, “From here to my penis, but that’s a different story!”

A Joke and a Smile!

This is post number 11 in Connie Ragen’s 30 Days Blog Challenge.

It’s Saturday, and it’s joke time! There’s nothing like a good laugh.
As Mark Twain said:

“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.”

So sit back and have a joke and a smile!
(Warning: Some of the jokes might be dirty!)

1. Wife isn’t in the Car:
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:
“Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?”
To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

2. The condom and the penis:
Q: What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me im going in!

3. I ain’t touching it!
An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal…
Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, ” Can you help me point my penis” ?
The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, ” Hey! I’m grabbing it right”? ” So I should look, I have a right”!
He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking.
“What the hell is wrong with it ?”
The “armless” man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says “I dunno, but, I ain’t touchin’ it.” and walks away.

4. A years worth of used condoms!
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.

5. A french Fry at the bar!
A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender “Hey , could I get a beer please”
The bartender looks at him shacking his head and say “No, we don’t serve food here”.

Thank you!

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